On what being a mother means to me
Since becoming a mom, a few waves of reality have hit.
On Mother’s Day, as I reflect on all the ways life has changed, I realize how much I undervalued the word. Growing up, the word “mom” rolled off my tongue in reflex to any time I was in need, in distress, or frustrated. I never truly comprehended all the jobs, responsibilities, and emotions that come with this label. I lacked complete empathy on how much it takes to be “mom”, and to answer to every call, cry or meltdown. I salute all the mommies out there, the single moms, IVF moms, soon-to-be moms, moms of LGBTQ, stepmoms, stay-at-home moms, working moms, and especially my mom. The one who never missed a beat when I called out for “mommy”. And to this day, she is there for me through every cry, meltdown and new baby thing that I don’t know how to handle.
Here’s what it’s meant to me to be a mother so far:
Working full time, and freelancing on the side just so I know I can take care of my baby, financially plan, and still try to enjoy life. The faint thought of “what if my financial situation all of a sudden changes” is enough to keep me hustling. It’s hard but that’s my commitment to the life I want me and my baby to be able to live. We don’t have a back up, or a partner to lean on. That’s the reality. So carrying the weight of the financial burden on your back is what you have to do, even if you’re exhausted from doing housework, wanting to do creative projects, ordering takeout for the 3rd time in a week and the groceries are going bad in the fridge, and especdially during this pandemic.
I want to be the best version of me. Not just towards my baby, but to the rest of the world. I am modeling the behaviour that my child will inevitably imitate. Do I want him to walk confidently in the world, or slink away? Do I want him to be an asshole? Do I want him to work hard? Be thoughtful? I don’t have time to ask myself all this and formulate lessons. I only have the time to “do me” and to “do me” the best way possible so my baby can watch and “get it from his mama”.
I am still me, but 10000000x better. I still love the same things I loved, I still laugh at the same jokes, and I still miss my friends and want to hang out with them, and still frivolously spend my money here and there (I know I just talked about financially planning and being responsible above, but okay 🤷🏻♀️). And one of my biggest mistakes in the past was assuming that once someone became a mom, they were abandoning their past identity and all their passions. The truth is our time is just a lot more limited and spread more thinly. But please do still call your mommy friends. I am still me, but more patient, more empathetic, more take-no-shit, and many things. And I hope this new perspective has made me a better friend to those in my life 💞
Happy Mother’s Day everyone!!